Long time no (blog post to) see: My ADHD troubles

Hi there, everyone! I know, as always, I haven't been faithful to the very small number of Sainaslife fans, but today I'm going to come up with the best excuses to justify myself! :)

So the truth is that we are preparing for a big move, and I'm not going to spoil any more of the details, but I'm going to explain the reason that I haven't been as active compared to the last few months.

The "big move" might be the general reason behind my absence, but I feel like there is more to me being missing once in a while. I believe I have already talked about my ADHD, but it is important to know how this disorder affects my daily life.

ADHD might sound trendy these days, and people use it as a way to look special, but in reality, it is more negative than positive. It takes away your focus, creates a hurricane of negative thoughts inside your head that could go on for minutes, and ruins your mood before you finally notice it and stop overthinking. It is a cocktail of unnecessary stress and anxiety that will cost you not only your mental but also physical health. You'd zone out in the midst of someone talking to you, and people who don't know about you and do not understand your situation will start to think you're not caring about them. You'd have to reread a sentence 11 times before you finally start to really learn it. Of course, we are not dumb; it's just that an ADHD brain kind of betrays you and refuses to learn information that it doesn't get stimulated over, as same poles of a magnet repel each other, so you have to try really hard to get them together.

Some days I hate it so much. I wish I never had this condition/disorder/whatever so I could live normally without all these changes and emotions. But some days I feel kind of special, momentarily, not because I'm different, but because of how I learned to handle such a difficult condition and managed to achieve some things that others with a normal mind couldn't. Also, it gives me a special superpower called people-reading. As my focus is scattered between many things rather than one, I have amazing pattern recognition, and I can tell in an instant if someone is not a good person or if they're lying. Of course, it is not always accurate, but it is mostly.

So I said all of this because I wanted you all to know that the reason why I usually vanish is somewhat owed to my ADHD. It paralyzes me with overthinking, causing me to sit still and just scroll through TikTok. I also have trouble figuring out what to write about, but I will talk about this in detail at the end of this post.

Another reason I can't get myself to write is burnout. As I mentioned in my previous blog posts, I am living in a place that doesn't align with my mentality or lifestyle. I know as an immigrant this is what is going to happen when you abandon everything and bring yourself to another part of the earth, but the contrast in this case is unbearable. So that is the reason we decided to move to somewhere that aligns more with our mentality and lifestyle. Because of living for years in a place with this huge contrast, I have been isolated, depressed, and burnt out, and consequently, I have not much energy to be creative and write. I hope that this move will give me back the motivation I lost and create an environment for me to flourish my creativity again.

I also have trouble figuring out what to write about, but I will talk about this in detail at the end of this post.

As I said earlier, I have/had trouble figuring out my niche. They say every successful blog has a unique niche, an idea that the writer surrounds their blog around, but my ADHD doesn't seem to like the idea. Every time I decide on a niche, my ADHD likes it for a few weeks, and then when I really get into it and it gets a bit more complicated, the magnet comes back with full force. Yes, I can force myself to write about something that my brain doesn't like, but then it ruins the whole point of me creating this blog. I made this blog because I wanted to write freely; I wanted a platform to express myself, not to be shackled by content limitations. And what is a writer good for if she doesn't write about the things that she loves!

If I decide to go on with a specific niche that I don't like, my creativity dies in the process, and it becomes dull, and my writing doesn't represent my person, my emotions, and interests. So what is the solution, you might ask? What is that niche that I am so passionate to write about that when it gets complicated, I don't run away from it?

I really thought about this deeply. For months, I jumped from one subject to another, financials, digital marketing, storytelling, etc., but finally, I realized that instead of constantly fighting with my ADHD, I'm going to have to embrace it! I wanted to avoid writing about everything and focus on one thing, but that was my biggest mistake. My brain has a hard time focusing on one thing; that's the notion of ADHD, so all choosing one specific niche does is push me further away from writing. In the end, I realized that I shouldn't confine myself to a box, but in fact, I should write about my pure, raw, uncensored emotions, about my unfiltered experiences, to be real and honest, and maybe even that will become my niche!

I'm going to leave you today with an idea that I have in mind for the future of my blog. I never shared this with anyone except my husband, but now I want to share it with you. As you might know from my previous blog posts, I struggled a lot financially through every stage of my life, so I made it my mission to one day become rich enough that I would never have to worry about money ever again. My plan is to have a net worth of 10 million dollars in the span of 10 years. I have laid out a roadmap with the help of ChatGPT that seems achievable. But whether it is achievable or not, whether I will make 10 million in 10 years or 1 million or even nothing, I want to share my journey on my blog. My intention is to show real-life experiences and struggles of a person who comes from nothing to everything. So come along and wish me luck!