These last few months...

Well, where do I start, I'm not sure if I could ever begin to talk about this but I've been busy as hell!

I can't say why or what I have been doing, YET, but probably in a few more months,

I can talk about this.

Long story short, I have been dealing with a huge project that I have always aspired to get done, but the means to getting it done weren't ready yet and now they are. This project has been haunting me for decades, even though I tried to cut myself out of it.

I'm basically here to rant, cz I'm burnt out and tired. the problem is I need a trip to somewhere warm for at least two weeks, just laying there under the sun, on a beach, with no one around me, just the sound of the ocean and the warmth of the sun. I wanna lay there for hours and just enjoy little things, but, there's always a but, I don't have enough money to do that, I'm saving for something more important. life, huh?

Life really sucks when you're not rich, I still am on what I said before, being rich af is the way to live, the rest is misery!:)

anyways, traveling is canceled right now, I don't have a job, I'm kinda broke, and I'm fucking 29 soon to be 30! Fuck! how did I grow up so fast? I didn't even enjoy my 20s at all, I wanted to achieve much more, but I feel like the ambitious Saina is asleep somewhere and doesn't wanna move!

I'm fucking sad and angry; angrier of myself, for wasting so much time, for doing nothing for a long time, for not getting anywhere but to the end of my 20s, I'm mad at myself.

now, what do I want? I wanna become rich, wealthy if you prefer it to be fancier, but I'm tired! I'm tired of having to save to get to something, tired of cutting off my happiness so I would be able to LIVE!

What a fucked up world we're living in, so expensive and so overrated, but nonetheless we're in it so why not win it?

I'm sure nobody's reading my shit, so I can even write gibberish and no one notices:)

I will write to myself later again, have a nice day Saina.