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How to have the motivation to start?

Hello to my beautiful readers!

I have missed you since a month ago when my lazy ass wasn't colluding my desire to write something!

I mean, to be honest, generally, I am not a lazy person, but I have a massive resistance against doing stuff especially change!

yeah, believe it or not, I get cold feet all the time and am afraid to get out of my safe zone most of the time. so if you feel the same, and blame yourself for it, don't!

This is literally human nature to resist new changes, look at history, and look at what we achieved; if we were not so reluctant to change, we would have progressed much faster by now. so blaming is out of the house, let it go.

As always, as promised, today I am going to cheer you up, by saying you can do whatever you want!

My friend called me the other day and she was asking for my advice about whether or not she should accept a job offer. our words dragged on and we started talking about life goals, thinking about what do we want with our lives?!

So, I told her that you should always be ambitious, you should always want what you want and that's the first step towards getting it. I told her a story of my life. I will tell you now.

When I was 11 years old, my cousin was going to English class, she was 10. my aunt, her mom, forced my mom to enroll me in an English class. She did and I hated my aunt's gut for it. That very same decision of hers and my aunt paved the way towards where I am today. It wasn't even a couple of months after I started going to English class, that I fell in love with the English language. I was so good at it and didn't even know. Not only did I fall in love with English, but I also fell in love with western culture specifically America. I made it my sole purpose to go to America one day, but little did I know that I had almost close to zero chance of ever getting out of my country, but I dreamed about it every single day!

years went by and I continued my English classes more or less. My mom was divorced and we were living with my grandmother, and since she couldn't find a job, we were somewhat poor. I mean we had a roof over our heads and a meal on our table, but we couldn't afford to buy new clothes or travel. I remember if school asked me for money for my new books or any other events held, I would see nightmares at night, cause I was only a teenager and couldn't work to earn money and we couldn't afford it. I remember wearing a pair of jeans with a hole on the knee in a time when having holes on your clothes was a shame and not fashion, and I was so embarrassed to go out with it. so my mom sew a piece of fabric on it, and I still can't forget how many times I was made fun of, cause they thought it was my poor choice of fashion.

For me, being without money had become a habit, so much that I was thinking this is the normal way of living. buying snacks was not an option, it was a reward every once in a while. I should let you know that I absolutely don't blame my mom for any of these. In fact she tried her best and sacrificed so many of her dreams, just for me to have the best things and I'm forever in debt to her. so where am I going with this?

Back then, I knew we were poor, and others also knew we were poor, and for someone like me that couldn't even afford a pair of pants, relocating and immigrating to another country was so far fetched, that talking about it seemed like you were trying to make fun of yourself.

But a kid can dream and should dream, and I tell you why. but let me first talk about people who let me down, and downgraded my wishes and dreams just because they didn't see in themselves to be like me, to be so poor and moneyless and at the same time so full of big ambitious dreams. I remember when I was maybe 15-16, I started talking passionately about how I love to go to America and move out of my country, one of my family members just snapped at me and said, "what the hell are you talking about? who's gonna let you in their country, stop talking about it" :)

I should also say in general he is a good person and I like him, but he makes such poor choices in life and words!

In all my teenage years and a few years after that, I was being slammed for being so ambitious and having such big dreams; by family, friends, and everyone who I opened my bigmouth to tell them about my ambitions.

I even remember that one month before the result of my application to Estonia came out, one of my family members told me to shut up and stop talking about moving abroad, as no one will let me in their country, why? no ideas, as if I had STDs.

It was April 2018, I got into Taltech with full scholarship and in a quantum second, everyone in the family knew about it, everyone! what were they saying?

Mute! Silence! no one was making fun of me anymore, no one since then has ever said to me, that my dreams are small and I should stop talking about them.

Over one night, I gained so much respect from so many people. everyone started following me on social media. everyone suddenly remembered my social media accounts, even though they knew it but they never attempted to follow me. kinda embarrassing to be honest, but I let them be!

So, what does this true story tell you? what should you learn?

The big lesson is to never ever fucking stop dreaming! my friend asked me that same day, where does it end? when is the time that our ambitions will finish?

You know what I said? that it only stops when you stop dreaming, it stops at your wish. and I assure you, I will always want more and more and more! because I believe I deserve to have the best things in life, and if I want it, I will get it.

Never listen to toxic motherfuckers that try to bring you down, just because they don't have the will to do something, doesn't mean you don't have it too! So what they do is that when they can't be at your level, they try to bring you down so YOU will be at their level, so they don't feel like shit about themselves! that's how the current world works.

for the end I wanna show you a pinch of what my ambitions are requesting for my future,a 16 million dollar house, enjoy!

p.s.: I added commenting and liking options on the blog posts. please help this poor soul by giving her a like or a cute comment :))))



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