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Not a hero, not trying to be (my ADHD journey)

ADHD is killing me. I have been living inside my head for too long, it's been chaotic, crowded, noisy, and most of all exhausting. True I might have some superpowers like figuring people's intentions out, but like I need a break from it all. I want my brain to shut up for a few hours and then I go on a trip to a beautiful cabin in the woods, surrounded by tall pine trees, all the trees turning orange and red and leaves start falling off the branches dancing in the wind. I want to wake up to the sound of light rain tapping on the dry orange leaves and birds singing nearby; I want to smell the rain and the wood and light a small fire in the fireplace, lay on my comfy couch, drink some hot milk chocolate and read the most interesting book I can find.

A cabin in the woods

Anyway, I'm still stuck here and for now, I can't do anything. Something else that has been bothering me, is people who don't understand me. I would've said welding underwater is the hardest task of all time but y'all should really see yourselves! I know everyone is different but can I please have a good moment with one of you without it ending in an argument in which I know for a fact that I'm on the right?

I realized I was putting in too much effort in a good way and in a bad way, but fortunately, I was smart about it and I'm trying to fix myself.


Here is the thing with being smarter than the average, you become blinded to the people around you. meaning that you see all the people as yourself. You imagine them as being another you and hence you have certain expectations from them that you have from yourself. You expect them to act a certain way but when they don't you get shocked, and to be honest that is actually my fault. It means that I am not as smart as I thought I was. I made the classic mistake of being a smart person, thinking everyone is the same as me.


So naturally, as I am a very self-aware person, I reflected on myself a few days ago and realized how wrong I was. I was just seeing the world from my own eyes, from my side, but I needed to blame myself for these arguments that I had created. So I told myself, why does this keep happening? and the answer was that I'm enabling it, I'm feeding it, I'm nurturing it and people tend to follow the path I gave them unintentionally. So I am removing the path, slowly but surely. It will probably work but it's gonna take a lot of time. I'm not gonna make the same mistake as my peers. I'm gonna break the cycle and let my head rest.



2 Comments


Just like you,I really need this cottage.Sometimes I want all the bad memories and all the stress to go away from me and I can relax a little bit,away from the hustle and bustle and worries.Unfortunately, this issue has been institutionalized in us since childhood. It's as if we were taught to be stressed and not understand the taste of happiness and peace

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Saina
Saina
Aug 17
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Thank you Khatoon for your comment, Yes I believe so. We are thought to be always on the run, always running away from or worrying about something. We are professional overthinkers, but on the bright side, that's what kept us alive the whole time:)



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