Me, Myself, and I

It's been long, I haven't been around but I've been out and about. I'm here to talk some about my life. People have been disappointing lately, seems like the circle of people around me is shrinking every day. Sometimes I think maybe it's me, I could be impulsive and annoying sometimes and be a smartass but I generally don't mean some things that I say.

It seems like people around me are just here to leech, not to "be". Seems like if they find a better friend with better benefits they will move on. For me it's easy to remove people from my inner circle, it hurts a bit but then I forget about them completely and don't care anymore. Loneliness suits me like a beautiful gown, long and magnificent. I don't mind being alone, it has its own perks and benefits. For starters, I understand myself better, my needs, what makes me tick, or what makes me angry; I would avoid situations that make me uncomfortable and save myself hours or days of awkwardness and feeling like crap.

I don't know, maybe one day I will find a friend that chooses me because of who I am and not because of the benefits that I bring to the relationship, but I don't think that's ever gonna happen to be honest.

In my head, since I was a child, I made an imaginary friend; She was a goofy confident redhead who would've supported me no matter what, even if I was in the wrong she wouldn't embarrass me right then and there, and supported me at the moment and maybe tell me later when I was calm, that I could've acted better. But it's all a dream, right? the redhead would always be an imaginary friend, cause the redhead is me, someone who would support me anytime, someone who would correct me when appropriate, someone who knows me deeply and is going to be there forever until the day I'm gone.

Maybe I'm too difficult to handle. I feel like nobody gets me if you know what I mean; Like it goes so close but it never clicks completely. But I guess you can't expect to find someone who is exactly like you or matches you 100%. Fine give me 60%, I'm dealing with 20-30 right now:))

Don't wanna sound cocky but I got to say this, I believe I'm smart! There I said it, and to be honest, I know my intelligence limits and how far I can go in case of brain activity, but I think every day that passes I learn more and become more and at the same time farther and farther than the people that I used to hang out with. It feels like I'm outgrowing them and becoming an advanced version of myself and they are just there, the same people with the same behavior. So maybe at the end of the day, IT IS my fault but not really, I just let my brain be free and grow and learn and become stronger every day.

Would've been nice though, to have the redhead right beside you.